Manners Made Easy For Your 3- to 5-Year-Old

By age 3 your baby has become a child. From the ages of 3 to 5, your child’s world of social, intellectual, and physical development expands at a mind-boggling rate. Whereas his favorite thing to say during the toddler years was “mine,” his favorite question during his preschool years will be “Why?” You can use his natural curiosity to your advantage as you begin to explain the “whys” behind good manners.

All you taught during your child’s first 3 years will be reinforced and expounded upon during the next season of his life. However, he is now ready to learn more skills. During your child’s preschool years he can:

• Meet and greet others.
• Learn acceptable public behavior.
• Improve table manners.
• Develop friendship skills.
• Begin to answer the telephone properly.
• Learn party manners.

Meet and Greet Others
From age 3 to 5, your child will likely be thrust into many new social situations. Her circle of friends and acquaintances will enlarge as she enters preschool, begins dance or music lessons, or joins sports teams, all for the very first time.

During these years you may begin to teach your child how to formally respond when being introduced. A 3-year-old will be able to say, “Hi,” or better yet, “Hi, Miss Smith,” when introduced to her preschool teacher. But it may not be until your child approaches her fifth or sixth birthday that she can remember to look an adult in the eye, shake hands, and say, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Learn Acceptable Public Behavior
Imparting acceptable versus unacceptable public behavior will be one of your biggest jobs during the preschool years. Now old enough to walk instead of ride in a stroller, the world can become a virtual playground for the 3- to 5-year-old.

Your child must learn when to run and when to walk, when to use a loud voice and when to use a quiet one, when to stay by your side and when to roam free. These years are the time to guide your child when using personal and public property.

Improve Table Manners
They’ve now moved from a high chair into a booster seat and sit with the rest of the family at the dinner table. It’s time to begin teaching table manners. Your child should already know to wash his hands before eating, and he can use a fork and spoon, but his skills can now be expanded upon.

A child between the ages of 3 and 5 can learn to hold a fork and spoon properly, help you set the table, clear dishes, place a napkin in his lap, keep elbows off the table, and chew with his mouth closed. He should be instructed to ask for food by saying, “Pass the potatoes, please,” not “I want more potatoes.” He should also know to decline food by saying, “No, thank you,” rather than “Yuck” or “I hate that.” A preschool-age child can sit still while the family eats, ask to be excused before leaving the table, and say “thank you” to the person who made the meal.

When dining in a restaurant, your child is now old enough to know food is for eating, not for playing with. He should be required to sit until everyone has finished their meal and is ready to leave. It is a good idea to keep crayons and paper handy to keep your preschool-age child occupied when dining out.

If your child becomes unruly, do not allow him to roam free, even by your table. This distracts other diners and sends the message that your child can get what he wants if he makes life difficult enough. Instead, remove your child. Let him know that impolite behavior in public is unacceptable. Dining with preschool-age children has its challenges, but when children learn acceptable table manners early, they are a pleasure later on.

Develop Friendship Skills
Between ages 3 and 5, friendships begin to be forged.

In fact, as I write this, my 17-year-old son is visiting with one of his best friends who now lives an hour and a half from our home. When did they become best friends? On the first day of 3-year-old preschool!

Kids this age have distinct personalities, likes, and dislikes. They get a sense of the kind of person they connect with and the kind of person they don’t. At this age, sharing and turn-taking can become cemented in your child’s way of relating. Whereas these behaviors were mere concepts before, now they can understand and implement them (though not always perfectly).

Kids this age can learn to develop empathy for others, show kindness and consideration to guests, and play fairly. During these years teach your child:

• to let guests go first,
• to include outsiders in play,
• and to follow rules of fairness.

Help your child work through childhood disagreements by offering suggestions, such as, “Why don’t you let Sarah go first this time and you can go first the next.” Teach your child to be a considerate guest in others’ homes by having her help put away toys or games, asking by saying “please” and “thank you,” and by treating others’ property with care.

Telephone Manners
Your child will probably not be ready to answer the telephone properly until he approaches his fifth birthday. Before that time most kids view the telephone as nothing more than an interesting toy. At the age of 3 or 4, however, your child can learn the importance of dialing 911 in case of emergency. Just be sure he knows that 911 is to be reserved only for emergencies.

During his fourth or fifth year, you will want to introduce proper phone manners. Teach him to answer the phone with a polite “Hello” or “Hello. This is the Smith residence.” For safety reasons, he should not give his name, nor should he ask, “Who is this?” If the call is for your child, instruct him to say, “This is Kelsey.” If the call is for another member of your family, he should say, “One moment please,” and then go get that person.

A child of 4 or 5 should ask permission before making a call. Teach him to dial carefully and to speak slowly and clearly. Children tend to rush their words out of excitement or mumble out of fear. Your child should ask for the person he wishes to speak with by saying, “May I speak with Kurt, please?” rather than “Is Kurt there?”

Party Manners
With your child’s new social network, parties will no doubt begin to fill her social calendar, and yours, too. When your child is between ages 3 and 5, you will want to introduce good party manners. She or he should:

• Greet the host and the guests with a friendly “Hello” or “Hi.”
• Play party games with a positive attitude.
• Thank guests for their gifts.
  
• Use good manners with adults.
• Remember to say “please” and “thank you.”
• Include all guests, exclude no one.
• Say “thank you” at the party’s conclusion.
  

At 4 or 5, a birthday child can also sign her own name on thank you notes. A 3-year-old can draw a picture on thank you notes or help you place stamps on the envelopes.

The preschool years are exciting ones full of new experiences and rapid learning. Capitalize on your children’s natural interest in the world around them by teaching the basics of good manners during these years.


Copyright 2006 Donna Jones